Love it/Hate it

This post has been sitting in my drafts for two weeks now. I guess that says something about the topic though. Blogging has become something to me that I never expected, it's an outlet to express myself, it tests my creativity and technical skills, and then nags at me at the same time. I love it, and yet I hate it.

I read a lot of popular, money making, reader collecting, blogs and I imagine the writer's fingers flowing like water over the keyboard and elegant words appearing on the screen like magic. They probably never use the backspace button, and they know every punctuation rule by heart. Their thoughts must be perfectly readable, relateable, and enjoyable the instant they think about them and start pressing those keys.

I restarted this post three times before giving up and hoping that those of you who read this will understand what I'm trying to say.

Have you ever just wanted to be good at something? Or maybe you think that you could be good at something but you're too afraid to not be awesome at it? I hate that feeling. My fingers want to write, but my brain keeps saying "that's not good enough, try again" every time I get a sentence down.

Such a lame feeling.

This has to stop. The blogs that are filed under "Amazing Blogs" in my mental filing cabinet had to start from somewhere. THIS is my Somewhere. This is where I'm starting.

I read somewhere that all good writers are constant, and that's what makes them good. My philosophy is that writing is like exercising - you should always mix it up, your muscles don't want to memorize the workout, they want something new and surprising and fresh. Writing shouldn't be constant. I shouldn't be constantly happy, or constantly sad, that would be weird. My writing should dictate ME, and I'm not constant. If anything, I'm constantly changing and therefore my writing is constantly changing.

The blogs that I come back to over and over again are the ones that show the writer's true colors. They have good days, bad days, inspiring posts, and posts that merely show an inspiring quote written by someone else. The blogs that I love are written by HUMANS. Just like me -- not constant at all.

A good friend of mine just ran her first full marathon. Yowsers! I can guarantee that prepping for that run, and actually running was a love/hate feeling too. The pressure to get a really fantastic time, and the thought that merely finishing the race would be more than most people ever do in a lifetime are two thoughts that pull at heartstrings. Just like this whole blogging thing does to my heartstrings. I want to be SO successful (whatever that may really mean) and yet just knowing that I'm able to share my thoughts and life with my readers should be rewarding in and of itself.

At this point in the post, I'm really hoping this isn't coming across as whiny...it's just me thinking out loud....thinking in type... whatever.

Doing things in life isn't about doing them perfectly. It's about doing, it's about trying, it's about being yourself, and doing things YOUR WAY.

Happy Friday friends and family!

PS - I'll be adding new Christmas items to Floral + Ivory this weekend so go shopping!